As a psychiatrist working with neurodivergent kids, I see a pattern every year when the holiday season arrives. While it's meant to be a time of joy for many autistic children, it can trigger significant challenges that leave parents feeling confused and overwhelmed.

The Holiday Disruption Effect

What might look like "regression" during the holidays is often your child's natural response to:

• Disrupted routines (half days of school, vacation days)
• Increased sensory input (decorations, music, crowds)
• New social demands (visiting relatives, holiday events)
• Changes in familiar environments (holiday decorations, rearranged spaces)
• Different rules and expectations (special occasions, family visits)

Parents often tell me, "I thought we were past these behaviors." One mom recently shared how her daughter returned to head-banging after months without incidents. This isn't permanent regression - it's a stress response to an overwhelming environment.

Understanding Behavioral Changes

During the holiday season, you might notice:

• Return of self-regulatory behaviors (scratching, hitting)
• Longer meltdowns
• Changes in toileting habits
• Increased rigidity about routines
• More intense reactions to limits or demands

These aren't steps backward - they're signs that your child is working harder than usual to cope with their environment.

Remember, there can be different reactions to different family members...

"She's perfect with "insert another family member or friend here". Sound familiar? This isn't about your parenting. Here's what's going on:

• Different expectations and routines
• Novel environments can be temporarily engaging
• Fewer demands or limits being set
• The "vacation mindset" where typical rules don't apply
• Energy being used for short-term performance vs. long-term living
• High masking during short visits

The Cost of This Masking:

• Mental and emotional exhaustion
• Potential meltdowns after the visit
• Need for significant recovery time
• Building pressure that is often released at home
• Greater need for support from you later

When others say, "But they're fine with me!" remember: You're seeing the real child, not the masked version. Home is where they feel safe enough to let that mask down and show their true struggles and needs. For this reason, I often recommend that families engage in a structured transition time when they go to/come from different family members' houses or holiday events. 

Understanding PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance)

For some autistic children, especially those who are "high-masking," traditional parenting approaches can backfire. These children might have what's called PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) or PDA traits. Signs include:

• Intense reactions to simple demands
• Difficulty with direct instructions
• Strong need for autonomy
• Different behavior in different environments
• High social masking abilities

Moving Forward: Practical Strategies

Success often comes from changing our approach rather than expecting the child to change. Consider:

1. Reducing Demands During High-Stress Periods:
• Simplify routines
• Choose essential battles
• Build in recovery time
2. Managing Environmental Factors:
• Create quiet spaces
• Maintain some routine elements
• Prepare for transitions
3. Adapting Communication:
• Avoid direct demands when possible
• Use collaborative approaches
• Give choices and autonomy

The Hope Piece

Remember: Your child isn't being difficult - they're having a difficult time. With understanding and the right support, many families find ways to make holidays more manageable and even enjoyable.

Need More Support?

In my Autism Roadmaps community, parents share strategies and support for navigating these challenges. We discuss:

• Practical holiday coping strategies
• PDA-informed parenting approaches
• Creating supportive environments
• Managing family dynamics
• Building resilience for both parent and child

Join our community to connect with parents who understand and access professional guidance for these unique challenges.

Remember: The holidays will pass, but the insights you gain about supporting your child will serve you year-round. Together, we can create more understanding and supportive environments for our neurodivergent children.